I'm known for my elaborate and over the top system for making new year goals. My system changes from year to year. It's important to remain open to the possibility for improvement. I certainly am not the same person from year to year. It's silly to think that a system that served me last year will serve me again this year.
My 2015 goals were mostly for the exercise of making goals. Not because I thought I would complete them. This year, these past two years, have been real doozies.
I have a million plans and thoughts and ideas about 2016. Okay, a million is a bit high. Certainly hundreds is accurate.
I'll get to them I'm sure. Or a small portion of them.
(Most of my plans go unfulfilled. Part of the problem of having hundreds of plans but only 24 hours each day and really enjoying lying in bed dreaming.)
In January, Ma and I are going to pressure can beans (eek! if you her a grisly story in the news about two women who exploded themselves to bits while trying to pressure can beans, it's us). Sometime in the first couple of months of the new year I intend to send my little niece in Kentucky a video or two of piano instruction to finish what we started when I was visiting. I plan to be better at prepping food for my consumption at home. I intend to get a perfect score on the GRE, I'm going to take the PMP, and I have applications to fill out. Once or twice a month I'm going to take one or two of my nieces or nephews for a special play date for me and them.
Those are the things that I intend to make happen. The list is much longer than that.
After that comes the list of things I would love to have happen but aren't top priority. That list goes all the way to the moon and back.
Through all of this, there is only one thing that matters most. My top priority for 2016.
Stop freaking out.
I live in stress mode. I feel like a failure pretty much all the time. That's part of the problem with having so many hopes and dreams. It's not possible to complete even 5% of all the things. How can I be anything other than a failure? I get overwhelmed and unhappy and freak out over the silliest of things. Things I wanted to do for the fun of it became heavy items on my to do list. I just need to get all these things done!
It is not a delightful way to delight in the wonder of this life and all the things.
So.
2016: Stop Freaking Out.
I've been practicing this December. December is my prep month. Sometimes I think I'm doing well. Then I have a dream in which I'm totally stressed or I realize that my neck muscles are trying to win a tensing contest or I stress-buy apples for an apple pie I probably won't get around to making.
Lately, I've been talking myself through my days, step by step.
This is my brain: It snowed again, hooray! I need to shovel but I don't own a shovel. I should buy a shovel. Also rice and half and half and sweet potatoes. Registration! My car needs to be registered and it needs safety or emissions, one or the other. I'll check my email. Emil! I promised him I would send pictures. Brain, remember to send pictures to emil. Ooh, look at all the pretty emails! Car registration. Focus. Before my car goes in I need to take everything out. Gross, my car is a wreck. Junk in the back seat, junk in the trunk. Ha, junk in the trunk. It all needs to come out. It also needs a good vacuum. I should wash and vacuum it before I take it in. After I take care of all the things. Before I bring all that stuff up I should take care of the things in my room that I haven't yet. The garbage and the recycling and the things leftover from my Kentucky trip. Ooh, my duct tape. Best duct tape every. I really need to finish putting duct tape on my trash and recycling cans so nobody steals them again. Yes. I should box up my DI stuff so I could put it in my car after I take everything out and drop it off on my way to the service place and to buy my shovel. Oh! And I need some more apples, too. Mmm, apples. I should probably buy some yeast so I can make bread. And I need to make more muffins for my freezer. What else should I put in my freezer. Some more soups? Rice? Little cubes of frozen sauce? That means I'll need ice cube trays. Maybe I should get fun ice cube trays. Like star shapes. Then I can pull out my rice, my star shape sauce, and a bag of vegetables. Voila! Deliciousness. Maybe I should do an internet search for fun shaped ice cube trays. First, I should really brush my teeth. And do my work things. All the work things. Ugh. Good thing there are star shaped frozen sauces to help me through the day.
These thoughts are going through my brain as I'm running around doing things, of course, and so I'm changing direction in the middle and leaving pretty much everything half done. I come back around to it eventually. It is almost impossible for me to start a task and finish it without starting in on at least several other things at the same time.
(Another one of my plans for 2016: finish all the projects.)
As part of the stop freaking out plan, I talk myself through one step at a time.
Before I can do any of the things in the above mentioned paragraph, I should change out of my pajamas and into warmer clothes. I try to get distracted but remind myself, what are you doing? Putting on clothes. Right. Work yoga pants. Shirt. Jacket. Warm socks. Good. Now. Brush your teeth. BUT THE THINGS THAT NEED TO BE PUT AWAY! You'll get to that. Brush your teeth. Fix your hair. Wash your face.
I can't say if I'm more productive or less productive. I can say that it's a lot harder to freak out when you're standing at the sink brushing your teeth thinking only of brushing your teeth than if you're brushing your teeth and trying to do ten other things that you left ten other things in order to start working on.
Progress.
I hope.
What's next:
1. Refill coke
2. Make bed
3. Sort laundry
4. All the work things
All the other things nipping and nagging for my attention (all the things in the above paragraph describing my brain (have I mentioned that focusing on one thing is really hard for me; even my brain likes being on two or three different paths all at the same time) and the things it wants me to do) can wait until it's their turn on the list.
Watch out world. A calm, peaceful, focused, unfreaking out Megan is on the way. Yes, you should be worried.
Between this paragraph and the last paragraph I got distracted and not by anything on my what's next list.
Le sigh.
The world doesn't need to watch out. This is going to be a long time coming.
PS MERRY CHRISTMAS!
PPS I can't decide if I'm going to make a boat load of delicious Christmas treats or if I'm going to gorge myself on baked sweet potatoes. Probably the latter. It's a change in tradition from sugars and sweets to delicious root vegetables, but I'm craving the roots.
PPPS Who am I?
PPPPS One of my goals of this Christmas season is to learn to play several Christmas carols on my ukulele. Yes, this is happening.
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