Setting: Dentist's office
When the scene opens Ma is sitting on a brown leather couch cleaning out her purse.
Door between waiting area and back offices opens.
Dental Hygienist: Miss Ma?
Ma: I have a confession to make.
Dental Hygienist: Oh?
Ma: I never floss.
Dental Hygienist: You never floss?
Ma: Never.
Dental Hygienist: Well. Have you flossed at all in the past six months?
Ma: A few times.
Dental Hygienist: That's a good start. Do you think you could floss once a week?
Ma: Oh, I definitely floss once a week.
Dental Hygienist: That's not never! Do you floss twice a week?
Ma: Yup!
Dental Hygienist: Hm. How many times would you estimate that you floss each week?
Ma: I'd say I floss at least five times every week.
Dental Hygienist: Five times a week! That's great! That's not even close to never!
By employing these skills of stealth, both Ma and the dental hygienist are happy, and Ma doesn't get a scolding for only flossing five times a week.
Is Ma a genius? Yes, I think she is.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Monday, June 17, 2013
Wrong Number
My koko (pronounced goo-coo), aka grandmother, is in the hospital. They're struggling to discover just what is wrong with her. She hasn't felt well for a while. She is definitely where she needs to be.
The hospital is called Mary Greeley. Ma needed to talk with a Mary somebody else whose last name begins with a G. She doesn't know this other Mary very well (the person, not the hospital). Ma had saved the hospital's phone number as Mary Greeley in her contacts.
Ma - [dials Mary Greeley]
phone ringing
Koko - [picks up phone] Hello?
Ma - [doesn't recognize Koko's voice] Hi! Can I speak with Mary Greeley?
Koko - [recognizes Ma's voice] She went shopping!
Koko - [busts up laughing]
Ma - [still doesn't recognize Koko's voice; very, very confused]
This is why I love my koko.
The hospital is called Mary Greeley. Ma needed to talk with a Mary somebody else whose last name begins with a G. She doesn't know this other Mary very well (the person, not the hospital). Ma had saved the hospital's phone number as Mary Greeley in her contacts.
Ma - [dials Mary Greeley]
phone ringing
Koko - [picks up phone] Hello?
Ma - [doesn't recognize Koko's voice] Hi! Can I speak with Mary Greeley?
Koko - [recognizes Ma's voice] She went shopping!
Koko - [busts up laughing]
Ma - [still doesn't recognize Koko's voice; very, very confused]
This is why I love my koko.
Friday, June 14, 2013
I noticed the time on my personal computer is still set for the eastern time zone.
And suddenly I was homesick. It's been about three years since I moved from Virginia to Utah, but in that moment when my computer told me it was 5:08 instead of 3:08, I missed living in Virginia as intensely as I did the first few days after moving.
And then I realized I wasn't homesick for Virginia. I'm missing the particular circumstances of my life at the time. When I was there, actually living it, I felt so lost and alone, so unsure of myself and my direction in life, and so completely powerless. Every day was hard because it felt like a day wasted in going nowhere and becoming nothing. Sitting here, now, looking at my clock set to the eastern time zone I find myself missing that time so much.
Really what all this means is that it doesn't matter where you are, it's always going to be hard. That doesn't take away from how amazing it is. There's something fantastic about where you are right now, and when it's gone you'll find yourself missing it.
Appreciate where you are and what you have, cause it's pretty great.
More important, don't let whatever is negatively affecting you become the ruling influence in your life.
You deserve better than that.
And then I realized I wasn't homesick for Virginia. I'm missing the particular circumstances of my life at the time. When I was there, actually living it, I felt so lost and alone, so unsure of myself and my direction in life, and so completely powerless. Every day was hard because it felt like a day wasted in going nowhere and becoming nothing. Sitting here, now, looking at my clock set to the eastern time zone I find myself missing that time so much.
Really what all this means is that it doesn't matter where you are, it's always going to be hard. That doesn't take away from how amazing it is. There's something fantastic about where you are right now, and when it's gone you'll find yourself missing it.
Appreciate where you are and what you have, cause it's pretty great.
More important, don't let whatever is negatively affecting you become the ruling influence in your life.
You deserve better than that.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Dancing at Lagoon
Once upon a time I was a clogger. For reals. That happened in my life.
It was kind of fun until summer rolled around. My teacher liked giving us as much exposure as possible while also teaching us to perform in different kinds of settings. This meant that along with the normal recitals, we also danced in parades, talent shows, senior citizen homes, and various dance competitions. Summer gave us lots of opportunity to perform. We danced in a lot of parades during the summer. Have I mentioned that my costume was black and had long pants and long sleeves? Parades were definitely the worst. It was so hot! And you had to worry about ruining your clogs on the harsh pavement so it was important to apply and reapply duct tape for protection.
Second on the list as worst ever was Lagoon. There was a big dance competition at Lagoon at the start of every summer and we were always in it. I was slightly skittish as a child and didn't enjoy large, noisy crowds. Parades = large, noisy crowds. Lagoon = large, noisy crowds. Also, it all seemed so pointless. I danced because I thought it was fun, not because I wanted people to see me doing it. I was not happy.
The Big Brother's oldest daughter has been dancing and she got an opportunity to dance at Lagoon.
Little Miss C is on the left side. Based on the variety of positions in this photo, it's hard to know what the girls were supposed to be doing. Chances are Miss C is doing it. She knew her routine and did it with a surprising amount of precision for being 4. The other little ladies often looked to her for direction. Yes, my niece is awesome. No surprise. She is one of us, after all.
Miss C was adorable and I'm so glad I had the chance to go to Lagoon and watch her dance, even with the large, noisy crowds. If I have a daughter in dance, I might just make her dance at Lagoon even though as a child I swore I'd never be so cruel. Funny how things change.
Adoe was fantastic. She spent most of the time sitting quietly on Ka's lap (who was riding in a wheelchair since she was very, very pregnant with baby AJ at the time), munching on some pink cotton candy.
Adoe held up her cotton candy to show Kelly Belly what she was eating and also told Kelly Belly just how delicious it was.
We didn't stay and play at Lagoon because it was far too rainy and cold. Lucky for us there was an option to buy tickets just to see the dance competition, not to go on rides. As soon as Miss C had finished her dance, we retired to a restaurant for some smiley face pancakes.
It took the smiley face pancakes a long time to make it to our table. Papa was sitting across the table from Adoe and doesn't mind throwing balls across tables in restaurants now that he's a grandpa. Teaching Adoe bad table manners? Probably. Totally worth it to see her all out laughing face.
Little Miss C, showing off her dance medal.
It was kind of fun until summer rolled around. My teacher liked giving us as much exposure as possible while also teaching us to perform in different kinds of settings. This meant that along with the normal recitals, we also danced in parades, talent shows, senior citizen homes, and various dance competitions. Summer gave us lots of opportunity to perform. We danced in a lot of parades during the summer. Have I mentioned that my costume was black and had long pants and long sleeves? Parades were definitely the worst. It was so hot! And you had to worry about ruining your clogs on the harsh pavement so it was important to apply and reapply duct tape for protection.
Second on the list as worst ever was Lagoon. There was a big dance competition at Lagoon at the start of every summer and we were always in it. I was slightly skittish as a child and didn't enjoy large, noisy crowds. Parades = large, noisy crowds. Lagoon = large, noisy crowds. Also, it all seemed so pointless. I danced because I thought it was fun, not because I wanted people to see me doing it. I was not happy.
The Big Brother's oldest daughter has been dancing and she got an opportunity to dance at Lagoon.
Little Miss C is on the left side. Based on the variety of positions in this photo, it's hard to know what the girls were supposed to be doing. Chances are Miss C is doing it. She knew her routine and did it with a surprising amount of precision for being 4. The other little ladies often looked to her for direction. Yes, my niece is awesome. No surprise. She is one of us, after all.
Miss C was adorable and I'm so glad I had the chance to go to Lagoon and watch her dance, even with the large, noisy crowds. If I have a daughter in dance, I might just make her dance at Lagoon even though as a child I swore I'd never be so cruel. Funny how things change.
Adoe was fantastic. She spent most of the time sitting quietly on Ka's lap (who was riding in a wheelchair since she was very, very pregnant with baby AJ at the time), munching on some pink cotton candy.
Adoe held up her cotton candy to show Kelly Belly what she was eating and also told Kelly Belly just how delicious it was.
We didn't stay and play at Lagoon because it was far too rainy and cold. Lucky for us there was an option to buy tickets just to see the dance competition, not to go on rides. As soon as Miss C had finished her dance, we retired to a restaurant for some smiley face pancakes.
It took the smiley face pancakes a long time to make it to our table. Papa was sitting across the table from Adoe and doesn't mind throwing balls across tables in restaurants now that he's a grandpa. Teaching Adoe bad table manners? Probably. Totally worth it to see her all out laughing face.
Little Miss C, showing off her dance medal.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
I Should
Recently, I've been paying attention to when people say I should. Noticing it in other people has led me to realize how often I say it myself. At least a few times every day I use that phrase, whether I'm talking to other people or to myself. "I should empty the dishwasher," "I should go for a run," "I should start sketching again." On and on and on, always telling myself I should be doing this or that. What I've noticed, in others and myself, is that when I tell myself I should do something, it usually means I'm not going to.
According to Merriam Webster should is "used in auxiliary function to express obligation, propriety, or expediency." Sounds right. I should do this, or I should do that because I'm obligated to do it or it's just the type of thing that someone like me ought to be doing.
Generally, when you hear someone say they should do something, what they mean is they feel they ought to be doing something but they probably aren't going to do it. Sometimes is may even be something they want to do. "I should go to that concert," they might say, but in their head they've already lined up the reasons not to go. It's too far away, it's too expensive, it requires finding out the exact date, keeping it open on the schedule, and buying the tickets. Even thought it may be something enjoyable, the logistics of making it happen make it seem like too much work and it doesn't happen. It remains forever a should. First an "I should do that," and then an "I should have done that."
I'm slightly mortified at myself for using I should in this way. What it means is that you are never satisfied with what you're doing because you tell yourself you should be doing something else without actually doing it. That leads to nothing but carrying around the feeling that you aren't good enough because you can't manage to do the things you are constantly telling yourself you should do. It also teaches you to not expect much from yourself since you can't manage to make and keep commitments to yourself. You're proving to yourself that you aren't going to follow through on doing or becoming something you ought to do or become just because you'd rather not do the work to make it happen.
I want to know that in each moment I'm doing the thing that I ought to be doing. If I should be doing something else, I will do it. This doesn't mean I need to be productive all the time, but that in the moments when I am watching the clouds go by and day dreaming I can enjoy it completely. I can be content knowing that what I am doing is exactly what I ought to be doing in that moment because in the moments when I should be unloading the dishwasher or cleaning the bathroom or running errands, I'll be taking care of those things. There will be no reason for them to encroach on my day dreaming.
I've been trying to really consider what I've said each time I say to myself I should. Why do I think that's something I should do instead of what I am already doing? If I really ought to be doing it, I do. If not, I concentrate on enjoying whatever it is I am doing.
I am not going to live an I should life. I am going to live a life full of I did and I can and I will.
According to Merriam Webster should is "used in auxiliary function to express obligation, propriety, or expediency." Sounds right. I should do this, or I should do that because I'm obligated to do it or it's just the type of thing that someone like me ought to be doing.
Generally, when you hear someone say they should do something, what they mean is they feel they ought to be doing something but they probably aren't going to do it. Sometimes is may even be something they want to do. "I should go to that concert," they might say, but in their head they've already lined up the reasons not to go. It's too far away, it's too expensive, it requires finding out the exact date, keeping it open on the schedule, and buying the tickets. Even thought it may be something enjoyable, the logistics of making it happen make it seem like too much work and it doesn't happen. It remains forever a should. First an "I should do that," and then an "I should have done that."
I'm slightly mortified at myself for using I should in this way. What it means is that you are never satisfied with what you're doing because you tell yourself you should be doing something else without actually doing it. That leads to nothing but carrying around the feeling that you aren't good enough because you can't manage to do the things you are constantly telling yourself you should do. It also teaches you to not expect much from yourself since you can't manage to make and keep commitments to yourself. You're proving to yourself that you aren't going to follow through on doing or becoming something you ought to do or become just because you'd rather not do the work to make it happen.
I want to know that in each moment I'm doing the thing that I ought to be doing. If I should be doing something else, I will do it. This doesn't mean I need to be productive all the time, but that in the moments when I am watching the clouds go by and day dreaming I can enjoy it completely. I can be content knowing that what I am doing is exactly what I ought to be doing in that moment because in the moments when I should be unloading the dishwasher or cleaning the bathroom or running errands, I'll be taking care of those things. There will be no reason for them to encroach on my day dreaming.
I've been trying to really consider what I've said each time I say to myself I should. Why do I think that's something I should do instead of what I am already doing? If I really ought to be doing it, I do. If not, I concentrate on enjoying whatever it is I am doing.
I am not going to live an I should life. I am going to live a life full of I did and I can and I will.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
National Doughnut Day
June 7 is National Doughnut Day. There's only one way to celebrate National Doughnut Day: eating hordes of doughnuts!
Lucky for me, I have the bestest Big Brother with the coolest fam, and they were up to the challenge.
New baby Mr. A is not pictured. He's a little small for doughnuts. Also, I'm pretty sure he was napping.
It's nice to know that my family loves me enough to celebrate important holidays with me. I get pretty serious about my holidays.
I also took a couple of books for Ka, my twinner sis-in-law, to read. I'm like that. "Hi, friend, it's nice to see you. Here, I brought you this book to read." And no, they don't know it's coming. The only warning sign is the one or two books in my hand, but I carry books around so often it's hard for people to know if they should be hiding from my books or not. It's fine. Except I had already given Ka both books to read and she had read them.
That awkward moment when you realize you're too old to rely on your memory because it's just not what it used to be.
Looks like I'll be keeping a list for her: Books I've Made Ka Read!
Lucky for me, I have the bestest Big Brother with the coolest fam, and they were up to the challenge.
New baby Mr. A is not pictured. He's a little small for doughnuts. Also, I'm pretty sure he was napping.
It's nice to know that my family loves me enough to celebrate important holidays with me. I get pretty serious about my holidays.
I also took a couple of books for Ka, my twinner sis-in-law, to read. I'm like that. "Hi, friend, it's nice to see you. Here, I brought you this book to read." And no, they don't know it's coming. The only warning sign is the one or two books in my hand, but I carry books around so often it's hard for people to know if they should be hiding from my books or not. It's fine. Except I had already given Ka both books to read and she had read them.
That awkward moment when you realize you're too old to rely on your memory because it's just not what it used to be.
Looks like I'll be keeping a list for her: Books I've Made Ka Read!
Thursday, June 6, 2013
My year of no spending is taking a toll.
I left the library today with a single book.
I don't know myself.
I don't know myself.
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Home Again Home Again
I returned home late last night after two weeks of adventuring. I'm tired and head achy and so ready to be home. I could languish in my bed for a week straight and not be done with it, I think.
At this point, languishing in bed is probably the best option. I've exhausted my small wardrobe, even with doing laundry halfway through. Part of that may be due to the fact that several of my clothing items feature strings, spots, and blotches of spit up. The next three days will be spent sitting in my pj pants, doing laundry. Have I mentioned I'm not a very dedicated laundry doer and it takes me a bit of time to get it all done?
I thought about counting up how many times I ate ice cream in the past two weeks but I don't think I shall. I will tell you that my favorite was definitely the black raspberry, marshmallow topping milkshake that I didn't share with anyone. Yum.
This trip has been instructive. I desperately need an ereader. I took eight books with me and that was not even close to too many. At the end of my flight yesterday, I had read seven and a half. Do you have any idea how impossibly heavy eight books makes everything? Ugh.
My body is already mourning this return to the desert. When I woke this morning I could feel the dryness creeping up on me, making my hands rough and scratchy, the skin across my face taut, my lips powdery white, my throat parched and achy. My body feels betrayed. Why would you do this to me!?
The best part of being home? Sleeping in a real bed, in my very own room, with a door between me and everybody else. Ahhh. The sheer luxury of it is nearly mind-boggling.
Welcome home to me!
At this point, languishing in bed is probably the best option. I've exhausted my small wardrobe, even with doing laundry halfway through. Part of that may be due to the fact that several of my clothing items feature strings, spots, and blotches of spit up. The next three days will be spent sitting in my pj pants, doing laundry. Have I mentioned I'm not a very dedicated laundry doer and it takes me a bit of time to get it all done?
I thought about counting up how many times I ate ice cream in the past two weeks but I don't think I shall. I will tell you that my favorite was definitely the black raspberry, marshmallow topping milkshake that I didn't share with anyone. Yum.
This trip has been instructive. I desperately need an ereader. I took eight books with me and that was not even close to too many. At the end of my flight yesterday, I had read seven and a half. Do you have any idea how impossibly heavy eight books makes everything? Ugh.
My body is already mourning this return to the desert. When I woke this morning I could feel the dryness creeping up on me, making my hands rough and scratchy, the skin across my face taut, my lips powdery white, my throat parched and achy. My body feels betrayed. Why would you do this to me!?
The best part of being home? Sleeping in a real bed, in my very own room, with a door between me and everybody else. Ahhh. The sheer luxury of it is nearly mind-boggling.
Welcome home to me!
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