Sometimes, I wish I were a snake. Then, I could shed myself as easily as a snake sheds its skin. I would slither away without myself and be, well, whatever I would be if I left myself behind.
If you get tired of where you're living, you move. If you're tired of eating the same thing for dinner every Wednesday night, you eat something else instead. If you're tired of watching the same program on tv, or listening to the same music on your way into work, or of wearing the same clothes, you change them.
I'm bored nearly to death of being me. I'm tired of my likes and dislikes, the way I spend my time, how I'm always trying something new, the things I think and the things I feel. Trying something new is passe, the things I like are the same things I've liked for years and years and years, I would rather lie on my bed and make pictures out of texture on my ceiling than dig into one of my usual pastimes, and my thoughts aren't worth dribble. I wake up in the morning and nearly fall right back to sleep out of sheer boredom from still being me.
I bet in twenty seconds or less I can make you bored nearly to death of me, too.
ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME
See. Now we both want to run when we see me coming. Problem is, when you run, it works. The running, I mean. It doesn't matter how far or fast I run, I can't get away from me.
And if you're sitting there thinking you're not bored of me yet, you cheated. When it comes to being me, there is no skimming.
I should make some changes. Throw out some of the old, bring in something new. Problem is, I'm already tired of all of that new stuff because all that new stuff will be more of the old stuff. It will be things I like, things that are solidly me, and I'm tired of me. Replacing my old stuff with new stuff that I don't like makes even less sense.
Just to be clear, it's not that I don't like myself. None of this, if you're not happy with who you are you can become a different person. I do like myself. There are a few rough edges here and there, some small housekeeping things that I should look into taking care of, but for the most part I am a-okay with who I am. I'm just bored is all.
It's an impossible problem. A ridiculous one, too. Who gets tired of being themselves?
You know what the worst of it is? Even if I were a snake the only thing I could shed is my skin, which would really be no help at all.
I think you're spending too much time by yourself. Time to start identifying yourself with another person. Or invest in some good healthy escapism. Here's another idea: Come visit me!
ReplyDeleteI like this blog post and the other ones throughout your year. Maybe you feel bored of yourself because you spent too much time reading your own blog?
OH MY GOSH! I started reading this and thought... "Did I write this myself?" This was me yesterday! I felt exactly like this and was having this SAME conversation with Jon (except, not as well spoken, because you write so much better than I talk.) And as a solution, Jon took me out to get a cupcake :) It didn't make everything better all at once, but it was a start. I would suggest starting there. Red velvet and death by chocolate are two recommendations. Find a cupcake place, and pick up a smile :)
ReplyDeleteDon't be bored! Be exciting! And snakes are gross and cold and lonely. Don't be a snake.
ReplyDelete